"letter to mama"..

when u're really really down,
when u meet obstacles that never experience b4,
when u feel bored hanging out too much with frens,
when u face the biggest failure in ur life,
and when u really really need someone 2 hug u tight and give u the energy boost to move on..
who wud u think of?
it cud b ur gf/bf/bro/best mate..

for me.. it used 2 b mom.. it's been alomost a year without mom.. it's really sad that i cud neva talk to her anymore.. she's just like my security blanket.. frm time 2 time, memories with mom kept flashing back.. i feel the emptiness without her and thought of writing this "letter to mama"..


mama,

i rmbr when i was a lil' kid, i used 2 b a mummy boy, they alwaiz teased me for being "kwan geok jai".. but i didn't bother much, coz i felt too comfortable sticking ard you, i'm proud to hav u as mama for many reasons..

(1) when i was lil' kid fred, during nights that are dark n stormy, and i cudn't sleep.. i knocked on your bedroom door.

kid fred: "mama, i scared ah.. i cannot sleep.."
mama: "oiyooh ah hoong.. still not sleeping yet ah.. come.. come to mama.."

then i'd squeeze in between you & papa, you'd cuddle me, and listening to your breath.. i'd soon fall asleep.. normally, papa wud hav 2 reactions, either he stared with sleepy eyes awhile then back 2 sound sleeping.. or he'd peep sneakily.. i think when he peep, it cud b you & him were having some "actions" b4 i knocked on the door..(-_-"")


(2) when i was lil' kid fred, i "accidentally" pee or shit during sleep (-_-"") seriously, those were "accidents".. i cudn't hav planned 4 it right?

kid fred: "mama.. mama.. i was sleeping, then hor.. suddenly i woke up.. then hor.. my "loh yau" very wet ooh.."
mama: "oiyooh ah hoong.. tis time u "lai shi" or "lai liu"? don't tell me u did both ah.."
kid fred: "no no mama.. no la.. i think my ass sweating only.. so hot ma.." (i really thought i cud get away with lame excuse)

then you neva fail 2 wake up with your tired body and wash my lil' "loh yau" in bathroom and change my bedsheet.. and u'd juz giggle at me.. back then i alwiz wondered y u neva scolded me, even i woke u up with my smelly ass.. later on i realised.. that's how great ur love 2 me cud b.. *sob* T___T


(3) when i was in high school, u were really busy with work and that's when i started 2 hav some distance with u.. most of the time, i hang ard with frens, staying at home alone.. worse still when i started college, i'm so sorry that i picked up smoking, drinking, wasting my time and fooling ard without much thought bout future.. u nagged me alot during those years.. but i was too naive and didn't realise how much i'd broke ur heart 4 the shits i was doing back then.. it's alwiz regrets after regrets.. so regret that i'd threw my hot temper at ur nagging.. i neva meant that n i'm really sorry i did that.. T___T


(4) when i was in sydney for 3 yrs.. i really felt and realised that i needed u alot.. juz like when i was lil' kid fred.. i didn't talk much 2 u since high school.. but during uni days in sydney, i'd called u and whined alot thru phone.. more than wut i'd spoken 2 u in 5 yrs of high school.. and i really wan u 2 know, ur words had calmed me alot, u don't hav 2 feel bad 4 not being there 4 me, ur pampering words thru phone cured all the pains i was suffering back then.. i won't 4get that though i wasn't the best student in uni but u said "well done, ah hoong, dai gor jai la.." i really appreciate that alot when u congratulated me on my graduation.. i really mean it.. T___T


(5) when i 1st started working, i was so stressed and cudn't take all the shits.. thank you for all the caring words that u'd shared with me.. compliments frm bosses were great but ur caring words and the encouragement u'd given me meant more than one million compliments frm anybody else.. i'm sorry that i've spent most of my time at work followed by happy hours with frens, i'm sorry that i've not spare my time with u more.. i know u'd sneak into my room during wkends and looked at me by bedside when i was sleeping like a pig, and thank you for having those food ready when i woke up at mid-day on saturdays.. how i wish i cud have them again on saturdays.. T___T


i really miss u alot mama.. i won't 4get the days with u.. don't worry bout me.. i've been stronger and i'm doing all my best 2 get tougher.. i wan u 2 know i hav u tattoed at my neck.. u're my guardian star as u alwiz were back then.. i wan 2 share my every success with u by having u watch me frm my back.. i still wanna be your "ah hoong" in my next life.. love you loads..

your beloved son,
ah hoong